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(1 tripped BALLS) happy new year [01 Jan 2007|10:07pm] [ mood | bouncy ]

[23 Nov 2006|05:52pm] I don't think pocahontas was too fond of thanksgiving.

[26 Oct 2006|05:20pm] codependency is a dance. like a 45 ballerina.

[08 Oct 2006|11:54pm] i can fly, i swear.

(1 tripped BALLS) [02 Oct 2006|01:26am] im so pale. all the color in me has left and has taken the happiness with them. im white. im on the right track. i just want to be invisible so no one, including myself, can see all of my flaws. i just want to dissapear. i want to be like a leaf and go where the wind will take me. having no friends, i will not worry about who gets left behind. i will exist but not live. thats how i want it to be. i do not want to live.

(BALLS) [24 Sep 2006|12:45am] [ music | date my mom ] so im just going to talk aimlessly out of my ass. everyone in AA talks about how much they hate drugs now blah blah blah crap. but here i am, lying in bed with the tv on and ambien in my system. its perscribed for my insomnia but theres 3 stages of it. pop it. stage 1. starts to work. stage 2. fully in motion. stage 3. im at stage 2 right now. im high. im not going to lie. its not a relapse because i need this in order to be able to function properly the next time the sun comes up. but im high, yes, and im going to be blunt. i love it. im not saying im going to go back to doing drugs, thats not my intention. not at all. not going back. but this nightly high for about an hour is nice. i like it. i love it. i took pictures tonight and experimented with lighting and flashes and angles that i would have never thought of when not in this state of mind. so here i am, legally high, illegally loving it. stage 3 is about to hit. lights, camera, no action, just sleep. goodnight.

(BALLS) [25 Aug 2006|01:33am] [ mood | blank ] im confused. do i love life? or hate it? its definitely isnt just "like." im living with my mom for the first time in what would have been 2 years in october. i guess i just gave in. i guess im not a viking. i guess im not strong, nor am i in control. ive come to accept my age and im giving in. its hard, especially for someone who always needs it HER way. on a lighter note, im going to go see wolf parade with nick myers in 19 hours.

(4 tripped BALLS) [06 Aug 2006|11:33pm] [ music | flava flavvvv! ] ( because i can )

(1 tripped BALLS) [30 Jul 2006|03:40pm] god last night was so great minus a few minor mishaps. not bowling, fishing umbrellas out of the pool, BB guns, cops coming, the best. sleepovers at eamon's are fun. happy 2 years of sobreity enlarged eamon.

[28 Jul 2006|08:43pm] heaven was hellish.

(2 tripped BALLS) [22 Jul 2006|07:04pm] im back from hell. leaving to heaven soon but i need someone to go with. rented a 4 story house, have a boat/waterskiis, wakeboards, innertubes, etc. come with. tuesday-friday.

[14 Jun 2006|10:35pm] i eat babies.

[11 Jun 2006|04:07pm] The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on and individual level. It's got to happen inside first. You can take away a man's political freedom and you won't hurt him- unless you take away his freedom to feel. That can destroy him. That kind of freedom can't be granted. Nobody can win it for you.

[21 Apr 2006|06:03pm] livejournal sucks almost as much as anna nicole smith.

(3 tripped BALLS) [06 Apr 2006|02:18pm] Going back to what felt perfect before isn't my idea of perfect now. I'm sick of all of this drama. It's so uncalled for. It felt ideal at the time but now I'd give anything to take that back. We shouldn't search to redeem things that aren't worth redeeming. If we had problems then, what makes you think they wouldn't return to us now? I'm sorry I'm not going to throw myself at you and beg for forgiveness like I have in the past. I'm sorry I now stand for what I believe in instead of just nodding my head and agreeing to every word of bullshit that you throw at me just to avoid conflict. It just shows that people change. And some don't. stranded at school & in my thoughts.

[30 Mar 2006|09:11pm] so it's my best friends birthday today? i think so. i love you lindsey elizabeth webb. you're my life and you complete me.

[05 Mar 2006|06:56pm] im dying my hair as we speak.

(7 tripped BALLS) [25 Feb 2006|05:38pm] [ mood | at my lowest point ] [ music | georgia on my mind ] its funny how last weekend, when i was throwing up my insides, i felt better than i feel now. im a fighter, i stay strong and once in a while, i might crack a smile. im sick of lies, im sick of fakes, im sick of backstabbers, im sick of being sensitive, im sick of flakes, im sick of school, im sick of trying hard, im sick of this fake smile, im sick of users, im sick of abusers, im sick of myself, im sick of the sky not being able to make up its mind, im sick of the cold, then sick of the heat, im sick of not feeling beautiful, im sick of the thoughts to return to my bad habits, im sick of drugs, im sick of sobriety, im sick of my dad not trusting me, im sick of my sister making me feel like shit, im sick of my other sister not caring, im sick of my mother being non-existent, im sick of wanting, im sick of needing, im sick of always having to mend peoples problems, im sick of people, im sick of soceity, im sick of always feeling rejected, im sick of always having to be tough, i cant take it, im sick of myself, im sick of being fat, im sick of what soceity portrays as "beauty," im sick im not wanting to be me, im sick of posers, im sick of alcoholics, im sick of people who try and fuck up my life, im sick of being daring, im sick of taking chances, im sick of being too cautious, im sick of always being scared, im sick of myself, im sick of addiction, im sick of having nothing to live for, im sick of low immune systems, im sick of myself, im sick of being short, im sick of myself, im sick of not believing in myself, im sick of myself, im sick of myself, im sick of myself. i m s i c k o f i t a l l .

[19 Feb 2006|11:15am] i just slept 22 hours.

(12 tripped BALLS) [18 Feb 2006|03:33pm] [ mood | kitten ] ( HEY THERE PARTY PEOPLE )

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